I know I miss you

I miss you like hell and heaven collided, everytime you go off the radar. I guess things might never be the same again, like it was when you were dying to talk to me the entire day and I would wait to wake up to your message.

I would forever crave for things to be how it was, you so enamored by my mind, and me loving the attention you give. I would love to know that you are sitting back and staring at your phone for my message, just like I am right now.

Usually people ask, how did I end up here, but I know when we fell out of track. Is having answers better than guessing the fate of a relationship till your heart shatters into nano particles, and runs in different directions looking for answers, solutions, just a way to get it back together or just the right parallel universe, were things are still the same.

I know I miss you. I know I have missed you. I know you have missed making me a part of your life. And I know you were not making an effort even to.

I wish a lot of things could have happened, we could have never met, we could have remained just friends, we could have talked our displeasure like mature people do, we could have decided the fate of the relationship together. And I know that's just wishful thinking, and nothing would conspire of it.

At this time, I could only say, I would lap up every opportunity to talk to you, to be with you like a parched animal. I so want to play mind games that you would think more of me, but I am out of ideas, and am dead tired.

I wish you all the best. And in my utopian world, where I could wish things to where I want them to be, I would wish us back together, craving for each others company and not waiting another moment to call, text or meet each other.

In more ways than one, I love you and I will always miss you.

Cutting out drama

Today, after many years of prodding myself and my life, I realized the root cause of drama in my life. I was an expert at being in the middle of all drama and convincing myself that I had nothing to do with it.

Yet time after time, I was there, right in the middle subjected to drama, most of which was primarily happening in my mind.

Yes there is a lot of history to it. As a child, my parents were two extreme individuals and the only time I got some sugar was when both of them were at loggerheads with each other.

My mum was a silent killer, while my dad was an emotional explosion most of the time. Given, that both were trying their best to keep their sanity, but as a single child for years, put me right in between of all this. At times maybe I didn't know what was happening, yet in ways I was getting influenced.

I knew there was a lot happening, not just in between my parents, even amongst their friends and their respective families.

There was drama everywhere and even our own traditional system and our entertainments fed off the moral and emotional side of us.

And in some weird subliminal contexting, love was always equated to drama, to the emotional pull and push. It was given this heightened sense of always being together, being submissive and accepting of what the other person is and being bound by the laws of marriage whether you like it or not.

I met many women like that and men, who were still trying to find a loophole to stray.

Today, when I think of the drama in my life, most of which are created by myself, I see the humongous need to regulate it.

Drama is fine, occasionally but whennit becomes the way of life, when it overwhelms tge good that is going on. I know it's high time I took a step to curb it.

I had already cut off most of the sources of drama in my life. My parents, my ex-bestfriend, my friends who made me feel miserable, my relatives who were there only when they needed me, my ex who suddenly reappeared after brutally cutting me off and replacing me.

Today I could see that I was left with a few friends and someone who genuinely loved me for who I was, through my best and my worst. Yet still there were a few, who made an appearance and left me either miserable or after dropping their life traumas on me.

I needed to stop being tge punching bag for a few who vanished once their agenda was accomplished. I needed to let go with ease of the drama. I needed to know that letting go off drama or the reduction of it in my life does not mean my life is stagnating. And I have to come to the understanding, that at times while doing so I am going to hurt a few people.

I also had to make up my mind, to not making a big deal of small things happening in my life. I didn't have to talk abput it qith my friends and analyze it. I had to let it go. If i felt I have hurt someone, I had to apologise and let it go. I can't change anything.

Cutting off drama, self employed to have a sense of a happening life had to be let go. Everything doesn't have to have a backstory or an aftermath. Let it be what it is.

Getting my results - Dream 12/10/2014

Have just finished a course, that was taught by my uncle, who is a professor in real life.

Am at home, our old home, I set out to get the results. I realise a schoolmate of mune, who shares my name has also set out for the same thing, and she takes a different route to the same place. I am mentally thinking I should reach before her. I take a roundabout route. Donno where she goes. I carry on with my journey. It's a busy route.

When I reach the place where I have to go, the teacher's are in the third floor. I am able to climb the stairs till the second floor, but am unavle to find the stairs or the way to third floor. The atairs to the third floor is blocked with frozen glass. I get down and try to go around it, not much success.

I remember that there is a way to reach the third floor from the adjacent building, through which I have been once before. There is a architect/collector/artist through whose garden I could jump directly onto the third floor. A sweet person, who had helped me the previous time.

I go to the house, and the garden is a little different. The guy is different as well, he looks like those Caucasian villain of old hindi/tamil movies. I try to find the path which leads to the third floor of the other building, so i can get my results, or my father would ask.

There are some kids in uniform on a trip kinda there and this villain tries to screw me, I hold another girl 👧 as shield or reason to escape him. I somehow free myself and the girl and I are on a quest to find the gap which would let me escape and get my results. Then I decide to get away from this building, and then I call 📞 my teacher and uncle for the results. He plainly says, where is the result of the complaints I gave to you? You said you are working on it.

Best Biriyani Places in Chennai

Methinks Chennai offers the best variety of Biriyani's from healthy Biriyani's made with Seeraga Samba rice to fancy Basmati Biriyani, spicy to sweet, the signature varieties are just lickalicious.

https://foursquare.com/deepapriyadarsh/list/best-biriyanis-in-chennai

There were a lot of places, that I wanted to add, but couldnt find on Foursquare, could be because, they have shifted, closed down or changed their names. 

Apart from the ones in the list, the following restaurants also offer(ed) some droolsome briiyanis

Laughing Buddha
On Bazullah Road, this biriyani was topped with a good amount of crispy sof fried Onions, and the onion in raitha where so minutely cut, it was pleasure to have, It offered some good Thai Dishes too. Now, I thik they have gone out of business and Mainland CHina has started in its place

Mouthful/Flame Grill
Around Bazullah read, Flame Grill was famous for its Pot Dum Biriyani and full lamb 

Al Jazeera
At the beginning of ECR Road, there is something magical about the Muslim way of making biriyanis

Velu Military Hotel
On Sterling Road, just be there to experience exotic dishes, prepared and served old style.

There are a lot of others too, will keep updating as I remember them

Bus Stop காதல்

புதிதாய் இரு சூரியன் உதித்தது
அவள் கன்னங்களில்
காதில் முடி சொருக - ஓரப்பர்வையில்
சிறு புன்னகை

சுற்றம் முழுதும் blur-அக
மெதுவாய் அவள் முகம் மட்டும் focus-இல்
இருவரும் வேறு திசைகள் பார்க்க
ஆசைகள் ஏனோ காந்தமாய் தீ பிடித்தன

அந்த இரு வினாடியில் - நிசப்தம் நிலவ
இதயதுடிப்புகளில் நில அதிர்வாய்
அவள் இமைகளுடன்,
துப்பட்டாவும் படபடத்தது

இந்தியன் ஸ்டாண்டர்ட் டைம் பேருந்து ஓட்டுனருக்கு
தெரியதா? அவள் நீல துப்பட்டா கூட்டத்தில்
சிக்கி திணற, கண்களால் bye-சொல்லி ஏறினாள்.
அட! நம்ம வெள்ளை  துப்பட்டா இறங்குதே

Puthiya Payanam - புதிய பயணம்

என் காலடி இம்மண்ணை 

தொடும்போதெல்லாம் 

உன் வாசம் தேடினேன் 

நீ அமர்ந்த இடம்தேடி 

உன் கண்கள் நாடினேன் 

இதயமாய் இருந்து இம்சையாய் 

எப்போது மாறினேன்?

என்றும் நலமாய் நீ இருக்க 

வேண்டி-  என் பயணம் 

புரியா திசையில்...