Today, after many years of prodding myself and my life, I realized the root cause of drama in my life. I was an expert at being in the middle of all drama and convincing myself that I had nothing to do with it.
Yet time after time, I was there, right in the middle subjected to drama, most of which was primarily happening in my mind.
Yes there is a lot of history to it. As a child, my parents were two extreme individuals and the only time I got some sugar was when both of them were at loggerheads with each other.
My mum was a silent killer, while my dad was an emotional explosion most of the time. Given, that both were trying their best to keep their sanity, but as a single child for years, put me right in between of all this. At times maybe I didn't know what was happening, yet in ways I was getting influenced.
I knew there was a lot happening, not just in between my parents, even amongst their friends and their respective families.
There was drama everywhere and even our own traditional system and our entertainments fed off the moral and emotional side of us.
And in some weird subliminal contexting, love was always equated to drama, to the emotional pull and push. It was given this heightened sense of always being together, being submissive and accepting of what the other person is and being bound by the laws of marriage whether you like it or not.
I met many women like that and men, who were still trying to find a loophole to stray.
Today, when I think of the drama in my life, most of which are created by myself, I see the humongous need to regulate it.
Drama is fine, occasionally but whennit becomes the way of life, when it overwhelms tge good that is going on. I know it's high time I took a step to curb it.
I had already cut off most of the sources of drama in my life. My parents, my ex-bestfriend, my friends who made me feel miserable, my relatives who were there only when they needed me, my ex who suddenly reappeared after brutally cutting me off and replacing me.
Today I could see that I was left with a few friends and someone who genuinely loved me for who I was, through my best and my worst. Yet still there were a few, who made an appearance and left me either miserable or after dropping their life traumas on me.
I needed to stop being tge punching bag for a few who vanished once their agenda was accomplished. I needed to let go with ease of the drama. I needed to know that letting go off drama or the reduction of it in my life does not mean my life is stagnating. And I have to come to the understanding, that at times while doing so I am going to hurt a few people.
I also had to make up my mind, to not making a big deal of small things happening in my life. I didn't have to talk abput it qith my friends and analyze it. I had to let it go. If i felt I have hurt someone, I had to apologise and let it go. I can't change anything.
Cutting off drama, self employed to have a sense of a happening life had to be let go. Everything doesn't have to have a backstory or an aftermath. Let it be what it is.
Yet time after time, I was there, right in the middle subjected to drama, most of which was primarily happening in my mind.
Yes there is a lot of history to it. As a child, my parents were two extreme individuals and the only time I got some sugar was when both of them were at loggerheads with each other.
My mum was a silent killer, while my dad was an emotional explosion most of the time. Given, that both were trying their best to keep their sanity, but as a single child for years, put me right in between of all this. At times maybe I didn't know what was happening, yet in ways I was getting influenced.
I knew there was a lot happening, not just in between my parents, even amongst their friends and their respective families.
There was drama everywhere and even our own traditional system and our entertainments fed off the moral and emotional side of us.
And in some weird subliminal contexting, love was always equated to drama, to the emotional pull and push. It was given this heightened sense of always being together, being submissive and accepting of what the other person is and being bound by the laws of marriage whether you like it or not.
I met many women like that and men, who were still trying to find a loophole to stray.
Today, when I think of the drama in my life, most of which are created by myself, I see the humongous need to regulate it.
Drama is fine, occasionally but whennit becomes the way of life, when it overwhelms tge good that is going on. I know it's high time I took a step to curb it.
I had already cut off most of the sources of drama in my life. My parents, my ex-bestfriend, my friends who made me feel miserable, my relatives who were there only when they needed me, my ex who suddenly reappeared after brutally cutting me off and replacing me.
Today I could see that I was left with a few friends and someone who genuinely loved me for who I was, through my best and my worst. Yet still there were a few, who made an appearance and left me either miserable or after dropping their life traumas on me.
I needed to stop being tge punching bag for a few who vanished once their agenda was accomplished. I needed to let go with ease of the drama. I needed to know that letting go off drama or the reduction of it in my life does not mean my life is stagnating. And I have to come to the understanding, that at times while doing so I am going to hurt a few people.
I also had to make up my mind, to not making a big deal of small things happening in my life. I didn't have to talk abput it qith my friends and analyze it. I had to let it go. If i felt I have hurt someone, I had to apologise and let it go. I can't change anything.
Cutting off drama, self employed to have a sense of a happening life had to be let go. Everything doesn't have to have a backstory or an aftermath. Let it be what it is.
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